This year is already flying! My goals for the year are:
1: Do what I want or need to do to make myself happy
With this I am taking days for myself, I even dyed my hair red and it looks great. Applying to jobs that I’d rather be at, like being a teacher assistant for a preschool; btw the kids there are adorable. I’m pushing myself with beading when my body allows it as well as making business cards for it. Also I will be taking a class at my Alum College, APU. Yay for learning!
2: Pay off my debt
This started off with H and R block taxes (I hate them so much) and the IRS. And my boyfriend’s debt is almost gone too. I may or may not apply for another deferment for my student loans, but we shall see.
3: Heal my body and soul
Between my conventional doctors and my new traditional healers, I’m hoping to find myself in a better mental state.
4: Write more letters or post cards
That and write more today bits here!
Today I am recovering from a cold. Been working non stop and today is .y first day off that I don’t have to leave the house. I’ve been coughing and sneezing and hard of hearing due to the congestion. So have a great Tuesday Everyone!
The last three weeks have turned into a blur. I worked my butt off at work doing overtime, got a small chest cold, took a week long vacation in Washington [state] with my boyfriend, and now back home with a lingering cold. I’ve had my blog in the back of my head, but I was distracted and unfocused. But despite being sick and winter looming here in Alaska [it snowed while we were out of state] both my boyfriend and I are doing well. I even set up a corner for my beading with a table I found at Goodwill last night!
The vacation was much needed, though my boyfriend thought he’d be bored all week. In the end he had a great time and clicked with my family [minus my sister, but that’s a story by itself]. He even danced with my aunt Wanda who doesn’t dance. It was a lovely visit. Though I wish more of my family members could have stopped by to say hi. I carved several pumpkins and roasted the seeds next to a warm fire pit outside. The one person who I really wanted to see ended up being too busy and I was getting sick again , so we’ll have to try again next time.
My corner of peace,
Next to the window and in front of the fire,
Beads aligned with needles near by,
Every color imaginable plus more.
Fresh needles and thread and a place for finished earrings,
My spot draws me in and I am happy to bead again.
I’m so excited to have my corner! I’ve been wanting to create one for awhile now. As well as beading, I am wanting to write more letters, so I have the supplies in the corner as well. Life is well.
Last week was one of my best weeks in a long while. Mostly because I wasn’t working both of my jobs almost every day; I actually got to relax!
On Friday I had a doctor’s appointment to talk about changing my birth control (cause you know, the pill likes to f**k up your system) as well as talk about what tests we could start next for figuring out my health puzzle. Anyways, as I sat there talking about my symptoms for the umpteenth time, my doctor is looking through my previous tests. Out of the blue he brings up my autoimmune disease positive test that my previous (unhelpful) doctor didn’t do anything about even after pushing for more testing; the oh we’ll wait and see and do more testing later shit. I was taken back, because he said you should talk with the specialist about your Lupus. I didn’t know what to say to that, because my previous doctors never did anything or told me anything else other than I had a positive ANA and autoimmune tests. I told him all that and he was concerned (like he and other doctors should). You see, my primary care set-up an online system where patients can look at their health records, make/drop appointments, and among other great things, but I only recently jumped on-board, because it became necessary. I wish now that I had been told of my positive tests for Lupus sooner, but at least now I’ll be able to crack my puzzle before it gets worse. Now I have an appointment later this week with my specialist to talk about doing more tests and receiving treatment.
The bad thing about Lupus is that all the symptoms linked to the autoimmune disease are all over the place; as in they could be symptoms to several disorders/sicknesses. Since I had the morning off I went through my online health record and wrote down all the abnormal tests. Each abnormal test was linked to autoimmune disorders, specially Lupus. Those plus my list of symptoms (that keep getting worse) are pointing towards Lupus. But still with all that I have looked at, a talk with my specialist is needed plus new tests.
On the other hand, in order to start taking back my health at the end of July I am leaving my job at Starbucks. So I am frantically trying to finish a few more pairs of earrings for my co-workers. I have about three more pairs. And for the males and a few females that I know don’t wear earrings, I will be bringing in homemade foods for them. Also, to feel better I have been trying to put make-up before work, at least lipstick, because even just that little bit does makes a difference.
Whelp, I am growing tired. I’m going to log off and rest before work. Have a good Monday everyone!
Since graduating last year I’ve slowly been diving deeper into depression concerning what I want and need to do next while also keeping up with the bills. It’s hard some days, because I feel like I’ll stay in this dump for the rest of my days. But I am trying to keep my spirits high and remember that I have to take it one day at a time. This debate that I am having within is a direct reflection of all the changes going on in my life.
A short poem by me:
A heavy heart, but a racing mind.
Creates a chaos that spreads if not contained and maintained.
Friends and family and even strangers show support and give advice.
A fight with ones self to figure out whats next.
I won’t lose this battle, but scratches will ensue no doubt.
With spring on the way, my hopes are high.
Thank you to all who are there for me, I’ll push through not just for me but for you too.