Holiday madness

Sincey boyfriend and I had our week long trip to Washington state, life has been a blur. Between it finally snowing, doctor visits and long hours at work I haven’t had the will nor energy to really write.

The dark here in Alaska is sometimes unreal. At 5pm it looks to be closer to midnight, especially if it hasn’t snowed. The worst part of the darkness is when you don’t or can’t take the time to get outside or be active. With my depression I have to take at least 1000mg of vitamin D supplements daily to help my body manage through winter or tan (I’d rather not though). On days off I try to take walks in my neighborhood. Winter here is best when it’s snowing! The darkness isn’t as bad and snowmen are possible.

At work I’ve taken on more and only need one technical training night to know how to close the store. Working overtime and proving myself has been stressful, but I am becoming more comfortable in the position. It also helps that I’ll get a nice raise and it’ll look good on my resume. Though I’ve been taking my days off and not staying so late in order to keep my sanity.

My sanity may have to hold off a bit longer, due to Thanksgiving in a few days followed by Black Friday, Christmas, and News Years right after. This year I happily have Thanksgiving off with my boyfriend and I spending it with my Cousin and his family.

My beading is coming along too. I’ve been trying new styles and started selling earrings at my colleges bookstore (I’ve sold one so far). It’s exciting.

Well I hope you all have a great night and Happy Thanksgiving!

~waterbug24~

Moving Forward

“Smooth seas never made skilled sailors.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt  

The quote of the day (which I need to make sure I keep doing, sorry!) is one of my favorites that I think of often especially the last couple months.  People may say, “Oh wouldn’t a nice day bring about experience too?!”, or “Not true! I’m still on the struggle bus!”. I see both types of people in my life, but what they fail to see a storm may be coming or their storm will pass. I’ve gotten to that point where I listen to my friends, from both sides, and don’t speak about my issues or don’t give advice, because neither listens to me nor helps me when I need it most. That is life, and why I don’t feel bad when I need to let people go or change the friendship to have more space.


I’ve written many times about my health, but in the mess I forgot to say that my doctors gave me the wrong diagnoses about Lupus. It happens though and many symptoms of Lupus are shared with other autoimmune disorders. After I changed specialists, we sat down and talked for an hour about me and my health. We started at my childhood issues and pains to now. What she figures (since I can not test for it at my age) is that I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA), which could have lead to my aggressive eye issues. The medication I was on when I first had eye issues were the same I would have been put on for JRA, but she figures the issues were too aggressive for them. After talking about my list of issues and locations of pain, she concluded that I have fibromyalgia. We talked about the symptoms and the connections through my life, it finally made sense!

I do wonder if the doctors could’ve re-tested me for JRA (they did at first, but it came up negative) after my symptoms and medication wasn’t working, if they could’ve saved my eye, or if it was meant to be…


My financial troubles will go away and come back I know, but it does take a toll on my health worrying so much about bills. I wish my boyfriend would just get that magical call back that he got the job, but its hard finding stable work in Alaska that you can enjoy.

Good news though, I am being trained to be an assistant manager at work and today I am being given the chance to run the show (even if just for a little bit). I’m nervous, but excited at the same time, because this is the first job to follow through after they said they wanted to make me a manager. This is the one position and experience I need on my resume to show future jobs that I can handle it.

I’m gonna finish off here today, because I need to eat something to take with my meds as well as prepare for the day!

~Waterbug24~

A Good Day

Since last Monday be I’ve had a few really bad days, where my whole body hurts and swollen joints, but a few good ones have slipped in. The worst is when my hands are sore and swollen, makes it hard to do what needs to be done as well as do what I would like to do (beading). Though today was one of my good days. After work I had enough energy to walk more rather than sit and wait. The weather helped too; not too hot and not a lot of pollen.

One a sad, but happy ending my coffee pot died on me on Sunday morning 😧 but I was able to buy a new one plus a coffee grinder for the price of one 😄. It’s a red Black and Decker 12 cup; I go between Black & Decker and Mr.Coffee for my at home coffee needs. Much love for those two brands.

Also with my extra energy today I made homemade Mac and Cheese with salad. The cheese sauce was made with whole milk, a spoonful of flour, a slice of butter, about 2 cups pre-shredded sharp cheddar, a couple vigorous shakes of black pepper, and a dash of salt. I also added a mixture of meatless sausage, one chopped carrot, two green onions, two cloves of garlic, one sarano pepper, three white mushrooms, and one can of white whole kernal corn. After layering my noodles, mixture and sauce I baked for ten minutes with a sprinkle of the cheddar on top. So good! I love baking the Mac and Cheese for 5-10 minutes to melt everything together. To top it off I got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream 💜

Well I’m getting tired. I hope you all have a great week!

~Waterbug23~

 

Update!

Jeez I am a terrible blogger. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like writing.; it happens to the best though. The last two months have been draining. Between work, personal time, and making sure my boyfriend and I get our time I haven’t felt like writing. At one point my depression was crippling, but I am slowly digging my way out.

To tell you guys the truth, I don’t even feel like writing today; my arms feel like lead. Over the last couple weeks I’ve broken down several times, which put a strain on my relationship and work.

I do have a doctors appointment this Friday. I want to talk with him about testing me for a hormone imbalance. Writing this makes me remember how it felt to push through writing an essay I don’t want to write or think about anymore.

One thing is for certain, I’m leaving my job at Starbucks at the end of July. I almost walked out after my manager made me cry and feel like my coworkers hated me. I’ve left jobs before due to bad managers, but she is both a terrible manager as well as a not so great human too. Which is sad, because I enjoy my time at my store usually and love my coworkers. She just makes it unhappy for not just myself, but others as well.

Maybe I’ll write more as the week progresses…I do have some free time later in the week. On another note, I’ve been re-reading through the Lord Of The Rings and playing Stardew Valley on the PlayStation. Both have been good for me.

 

I’m gonna go for now though.

 

~Waterbug23~