Jeez I am a terrible blogger. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like writing.; it happens to the best though. The last two months have been draining. Between work, personal time, and making sure my boyfriend and I get our time I haven’t felt like writing. At one point my depression was crippling, but I am slowly digging my way out.
To tell you guys the truth, I don’t even feel like writing today; my arms feel like lead. Over the last couple weeks I’ve broken down several times, which put a strain on my relationship and work.
I do have a doctors appointment this Friday. I want to talk with him about testing me for a hormone imbalance. Writing this makes me remember how it felt to push through writing an essay I don’t want to write or think about anymore.
One thing is for certain, I’m leaving my job at Starbucks at the end of July. I almost walked out after my manager made me cry and feel like my coworkers hated me. I’ve left jobs before due to bad managers, but she is both a terrible manager as well as a not so great human too. Which is sad, because I enjoy my time at my store usually and love my coworkers. She just makes it unhappy for not just myself, but others as well.
Maybe I’ll write more as the week progresses…I do have some free time later in the week. On another note, I’ve been re-reading through the Lord Of The Rings and playing Stardew Valley on the PlayStation. Both have been good for me.
I’m gonna go for now though.
Hey y’all sorry I’ve been awol the last couple weeks. I’ve been more tired than usual due to work schedules and working with my doctors about figuring out what is going on with me. Even though I write this blog 9/10 on my phone, it drains me to write and I keep saying I will, but then fall asleep due to my new medication. I’ll get hopefully be getting more tests done, but it’s hard to schedule in doc appointments with work. Maybe one day it’ll all be worked out.
I’m gonna go now though; I’m beat.
Since graduating last year I’ve slowly been diving deeper into depression concerning what I want and need to do next while also keeping up with the bills. It’s hard some days, because I feel like I’ll stay in this dump for the rest of my days. But I am trying to keep my spirits high and remember that I have to take it one day at a time. This debate that I am having within is a direct reflection of all the changes going on in my life.
A short poem by me:
A heavy heart, but a racing mind.
Creates a chaos that spreads if not contained and maintained.
Friends and family and even strangers show support and give advice.
A fight with ones self to figure out whats next.
I won’t lose this battle, but scratches will ensue no doubt.
With spring on the way, my hopes are high.
Thank you to all who are there for me, I’ll push through not just for me but for you too.
Don’t worry everyone, I still smile at work. In the first blog or two I wrote, I let it be known I work at Starbucks (corporate store). Well it’s not my first (and most likely not my last) retail job. It all began my senior year of high school, when I worked two weeks, part-time for the Puyallup Fair in September (now known as the Washington State Fair). It was pretty fun for the most part; I worked two game booths. But there was one day that made me dislike working retail jobs to this day, a customer at my game booth made me cry. He kept yelling at me when I wasn’t sure of how to fix his problem while his wife and kids looked on, angry as well. I had accidentally taken tickets off his card (weird I know, their system for tickets is electronic and caused chaos). Yup, that was my first taste of the bitter life coffee. Since then I’ve worked several other jobs involving working directly with customers. Some really exciting and not so stressing (firework stand during the summer) to others that make me cry just thinking about how hateful a customer (human) can be towards the person serving them (another human).
I bring up this topic because I’ve become burnt out with my retail jobs, I don’t mind it most of the time, but there are days where I just want to walk out. Also, I’ve had people ask, “Why don’t you have a job in your field yet?,” well if I could get one that would be great. Over the last year, since graduating, I’ve applied to several jobs and internships within my field, but the closest I have come is almost getting an internship at the Oregon Coast Aquarium, but I didn’t qualify after a remarkably great interview due to lack of experience…Let that sink in. I didn’t get an internship which is supposed to educate you and give you experience, because I didn’t have enough experience. It’s just a sad world out there if you need experience for an internship. Well and I’ve applied to several pet shops and still denied; maybe over-qualified? I’m still pushing though.
Here is to all the hard working retail workers out there! Have a great Monday everyone and enjoy some time to yourself!
“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” — Alan Cohen
Lately I’ve been overworking myself which has left me tired and old health issues to show their ugly face again. I try taking breaks, at home a d work, but most of the time it makes it worse. I need to see my doctor plus another, but working two jobs it’s hard to find motivation or time to make it out to them. The worst part is that one of my symptoms is dizziness/lightheadedness which almost makes me black out. It’s happened in yeas past once or twice, but it’s happened three times in two weeks. One of which happened yesterday morning as I was getting ready to leave for work. I felt bad for calling out and tried to find someone to take my shift. But my health comes first and fuck it I’m not gonna walk out of my house with the possibility that the same thing happens as I’m walking down the street to go to work. Thankfully my coworkers understand and I’ve been talking more to them abouty health, but it’s my manager that never gets it. I think she needs a dose of reality, because it’s all sunshine and unicorns in her eyes (pertaining to the lives of her workers).
I got to relax and rest yesterday at least and feeling better today. Everyone our there get some rest and do something for yourself.
“People who love to eat are always the best people,” -Julia Child
I love food. Growing up I tried all sorts of odd dishes, well at least to children and that of others who didn’t grow up in a Native Alaskan or Native American household. From seal oil to muktuk (frozen whale skin and blubber) which is very good, but chewy. But I was also weird in that I wasn’t a very picky eater, though I didn’t care much for spicy food, and I loved ‘weird’ food like purple ketchup and mixed most of my food. Cooking was also fun and I enjoyed helping when allowed. Back then I also had a weight issues and part of it stemmed from eating too much bad food which gave me a complex. This complex wasn’t bad, I knew I was gaining weight because I was eating too much. This lead me not to eating disorders, but to watch what I ate. I slowly replaced milk, juices, and soda for water, less red meat, reduced sugar intake overall, and tried to stay away from fast food when possible. Now it wasn’t easy since most of my family, along with extended family, eat a lot and I was surrounded by sweets and soda, but I think I’ve come out of it a whole lot better than most children who deal with obesity that stems from a family’s bad eating habits.
I would push and still push my family and friends to choose better options, but I don’t force them to do anything. I know what’s good for myself and can only give advice on ideas on better eating habits. At this point in my life I have taken red meats, most other meats ( though I wouldn’t pass up fresh game animals or traditional foods), most dairy, sweets, and most alcoholic beverages. I’ve done so by figuring out what my body processes badly (most cow dairy and all red meats) and items I needed to cut back on (alcohol and sweets). Overall I am happy and feeling better about what I eat, but there are times where I do indulge which everyone should do now and again if wanted. My boyfriend, glass, has helped me with my eating journey and is carving his ow , both in our own ways. I prefer cooking homemade meals from scratch and with random ingredients on our shelves. The best part is that he enjoys 9/10 meals I make; there has only been one or two meals off the top of my head he hasn’t liked. Glass has also bragged about my cooking to his online friends which makes me just a little happy (ok it makes me feel awesome!). From homemade pizza, curry as spicy as I can stand plus a little extra, breads, awesome pasta sauce kicked up a notch with veggies and spices, I cook my hearts content. Maybe paired with some wine 😉 but always with love. 💖 I’ve even gotten glass to enjoy his veggies, which makes me feel like on top of the world.
If anyone would like to swap recipes that would be kick ass! Just comment or message me! Share ideas and enjoy a meal!
Have a great night! Now go enjoy your favorite food and eat it!
“Enjoy the little things.”
So a lot has been going on and my body finally decided to stick it to me. It started with a sore throat and escalated to a fever with a persistent cough. This I gave to my loving boyfriend, glass, who I am now taking care of.
In lou of my sickness and lack of work, I’ve been working on my beading. I’ve been asking my coworkers their favorite colors and creating earrings I hope they will love. The funny thing is that hey don’t know that I’m making them earrings. One of them asked why I needed their favorite colors and I laughed, saying,”You’ll find out soon.” It has been awhile since I’ve felt any inspiration to create earrings and it’s nice having it back. Currently I’ve made them for three co-workers and working on a forth. I hope to start expanding my knowledge this year and try other looks, rather than keeping to the same style.
I learned how to make earrings back in highschool from my older cousin Jess. My uncle, rip uncle Willy, was a master at making jewelry when he was young and healthy! He thankfully passed down some of his trade to the younger generations before he was forced to stop do to health.
Beading can be very therapeutic. I lose myself once I figure out the pattern. The pattern can either be easy or tough, because if I’m relaxed it comes easier than if I am stressed or overthinking. Some days I can create several pieces while others I barely crank out one to a set. The other day I kept having string issues and ended up giving up, because I knew if I kept it up I would hate my work or never accomplish the end goal: create something I love.
If anyone who is reading would like a pair, I sell them. Just message me and we can work out the details! Also if you’d like to learn how to bead I can show you!
Welp my phone is dying! 😱 And I’m still not feeling 100%, so I’m gonna lay down for the night.