Space cadet

It’s Tuesday! I had yesterday off too and forgot to post my blog. To my defense I delt with changing medications last week that made me sick, but now on the mend. As to what medication it’s antidepressants. I’ve delt with depression since I was a child, even before all my medical mysteries. I have usually found ways to combat my depression: sports, school, movies, reading, walking my dogs, and various creative outlets. As of late, none of my usual activities have been helpful and my depression has just gotten worse. After talking with a counselor and my doctor, I’ve decided to try the medication route.

On July 20th I took my first dose of Cymbalta at 60mg which ended up causing me to become dizzy and almost passing out from said dizziness,  a non-stop migraine and other bad side effects. I went back to my doctor after only five days, because of the side effects and apparently he (my doctor) made a mistake. I was supposed to be taking 30mg not 60mg! After talking with family and friends who have tried Cymbalta, who also had bad experiences, I told him I wanted to change before it was too late. Now I’m on 20mg (triple checked dose) of Prozac. Haven’t had any complaints yet. Mainly weird dreams in the early mornings though since starting this new road. I’ll give more updates with how I feel on this medication as time goes on.

For now though, I’m tired. Night night!

~Waterbug24~

Getting better one day at a time

Good afternoon everyone! Two week absence, not terrible, but still I’m trying not to leave you or myself hanging with my blog. A lot has been going on since my birthday. From me putting in my two weeks to Starbucks and getting new medication for my depression, I’m hoping that by taking care of myself I’ll be happier and not as distant towards everyone in my life.

By leaving Starbucks, I’ll be working at Fred Meyers full-time as well as volunteering at a bird rescue and rehabilitation center. I haven’t had time to volunteer for anything in so long. I enjoy it, because I am helping causes that I support and it helps others (humans/animals/the environment) see what can happen if you lend a hand. Though while leaving Starbucks will be good for me, I will miss my co-workers dearly. They have been some of the best people to work with, even the recent new hires are awesome. I am still working on my secret project for my initial co-workers, I have a few earrings to go due to me not working on them, but they will get them eventually. I plan on working on one pair today.

As for my depression, last Wednesday my doctor prescribed me Cymbalta. I’m on day 5 of taking one 60mg at 6am; after one week I’ll be taking two a day. So far I’m not liking the side effects which I need to send a message to my doctor. These include a sore throat that feels like it’s swollen, getting severely dizzy and almost fainting at home and work, sleeping more, and a few others. Yeah I’m not sure if I’ll want to stay on this medication. But it is a start.

Well I’m going to eat breakfast! Have a great day everyone!

 

~Waterbug24~

A Good Day

Since last Monday be I’ve had a few really bad days, where my whole body hurts and swollen joints, but a few good ones have slipped in. The worst is when my hands are sore and swollen, makes it hard to do what needs to be done as well as do what I would like to do (beading). Though today was one of my good days. After work I had enough energy to walk more rather than sit and wait. The weather helped too; not too hot and not a lot of pollen.

One a sad, but happy ending my coffee pot died on me on Sunday morning 😧 but I was able to buy a new one plus a coffee grinder for the price of one 😄. It’s a red Black and Decker 12 cup; I go between Black & Decker and Mr.Coffee for my at home coffee needs. Much love for those two brands.

Also with my extra energy today I made homemade Mac and Cheese with salad. The cheese sauce was made with whole milk, a spoonful of flour, a slice of butter, about 2 cups pre-shredded sharp cheddar, a couple vigorous shakes of black pepper, and a dash of salt. I also added a mixture of meatless sausage, one chopped carrot, two green onions, two cloves of garlic, one sarano pepper, three white mushrooms, and one can of white whole kernal corn. After layering my noodles, mixture and sauce I baked for ten minutes with a sprinkle of the cheddar on top. So good! I love baking the Mac and Cheese for 5-10 minutes to melt everything together. To top it off I got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream 💜

Well I’m getting tired. I hope you all have a great week!

~Waterbug23~

 

Update!

Jeez I am a terrible blogger. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like writing.; it happens to the best though. The last two months have been draining. Between work, personal time, and making sure my boyfriend and I get our time I haven’t felt like writing. At one point my depression was crippling, but I am slowly digging my way out.

To tell you guys the truth, I don’t even feel like writing today; my arms feel like lead. Over the last couple weeks I’ve broken down several times, which put a strain on my relationship and work.

I do have a doctors appointment this Friday. I want to talk with him about testing me for a hormone imbalance. Writing this makes me remember how it felt to push through writing an essay I don’t want to write or think about anymore.

One thing is for certain, I’m leaving my job at Starbucks at the end of July. I almost walked out after my manager made me cry and feel like my coworkers hated me. I’ve left jobs before due to bad managers, but she is both a terrible manager as well as a not so great human too. Which is sad, because I enjoy my time at my store usually and love my coworkers. She just makes it unhappy for not just myself, but others as well.

Maybe I’ll write more as the week progresses…I do have some free time later in the week. On another note, I’ve been re-reading through the Lord Of The Rings and playing Stardew Valley on the PlayStation. Both have been good for me.

 

I’m gonna go for now though.

 

~Waterbug23~

No call No show

Hey y’all sorry I’ve been awol the last couple weeks. I’ve been more tired than usual due to work schedules and working with my doctors about figuring out what is going on with me. Even though I write this blog 9/10 on my phone, it drains me to write and I keep saying I will, but then fall asleep due to my new medication. I’ll get hopefully be getting more tests done, but it’s hard to schedule in doc appointments with work. Maybe one day it’ll all be worked out.

I’m gonna go now though; I’m beat.

 

~Waterbug23~

Reflection: A ripple on the water

Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us.” –Alan Cohen

Since graduating last year I’ve slowly been diving deeper into depression concerning what I want and need to do next while also keeping up with the bills. It’s hard some days, because I feel like I’ll stay in this dump for the rest of my days. But I am trying to keep my spirits high and remember that I have to take it one day at a time. This debate that I am having within is a direct reflection of all the changes going on in my life.

A short poem by me:

A heavy heart, but a racing mind.

Creates a chaos that spreads if not contained and maintained.

Friends and family and even strangers show support and give advice.

A fight with ones self to figure out whats next.

I won’t lose this battle, but scratches will ensue no doubt.

With spring on the way, my hopes are high.

Thank you to all who are there for me, I’ll push through not just for me but for you too.

 

~Waterbug23~

 

Resting Up

“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” — Alan Cohen

Lately I’ve been overworking myself which has left me tired and old health issues to show their ugly face again. I try taking breaks, at home a d work, but most of the time it makes it worse. I need to see my doctor plus another, but working two jobs it’s hard to find motivation or time to make it out to them. The worst part is that one of my symptoms is dizziness/lightheadedness which almost makes me black out. It’s happened in yeas past once or twice, but it’s happened three times in two weeks. One of which happened yesterday morning as I was getting ready to leave for work. I felt bad for calling out and tried to find someone to take my shift. But my health comes first and fuck it I’m not gonna walk out of my house with the possibility that the same thing happens as I’m walking down the street to go to work. Thankfully my coworkers understand and I’ve been talking more to them abouty health, but it’s my manager that never gets it. I think she needs a dose of reality, because it’s all sunshine and unicorns in her eyes (pertaining to the lives of her workers).

I got to relax and rest yesterday at least and feeling better today. Everyone our there get some rest and do something for yourself.

 

Peace out!

~Waterbug93~