Jeez I am a terrible blogger. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt like writing.; it happens to the best though. The last two months have been draining. Between work, personal time, and making sure my boyfriend and I get our time I haven’t felt like writing. At one point my depression was crippling, but I am slowly digging my way out.
To tell you guys the truth, I don’t even feel like writing today; my arms feel like lead. Over the last couple weeks I’ve broken down several times, which put a strain on my relationship and work.
I do have a doctors appointment this Friday. I want to talk with him about testing me for a hormone imbalance. Writing this makes me remember how it felt to push through writing an essay I don’t want to write or think about anymore.
One thing is for certain, I’m leaving my job at Starbucks at the end of July. I almost walked out after my manager made me cry and feel like my coworkers hated me. I’ve left jobs before due to bad managers, but she is both a terrible manager as well as a not so great human too. Which is sad, because I enjoy my time at my store usually and love my coworkers. She just makes it unhappy for not just myself, but others as well.
Maybe I’ll write more as the week progresses…I do have some free time later in the week. On another note, I’ve been re-reading through the Lord Of The Rings and playing Stardew Valley on the PlayStation. Both have been good for me.
I’m gonna go for now though.
Since graduating last year I’ve slowly been diving deeper into depression concerning what I want and need to do next while also keeping up with the bills. It’s hard some days, because I feel like I’ll stay in this dump for the rest of my days. But I am trying to keep my spirits high and remember that I have to take it one day at a time. This debate that I am having within is a direct reflection of all the changes going on in my life.
A short poem by me:
A heavy heart, but a racing mind.
Creates a chaos that spreads if not contained and maintained.
Friends and family and even strangers show support and give advice.
A fight with ones self to figure out whats next.
I won’t lose this battle, but scratches will ensue no doubt.
With spring on the way, my hopes are high.
Thank you to all who are there for me, I’ll push through not just for me but for you too.
Don’t worry everyone, I still smile at work. In the first blog or two I wrote, I let it be known I work at Starbucks (corporate store). Well it’s not my first (and most likely not my last) retail job. It all began my senior year of high school, when I worked two weeks, part-time for the Puyallup Fair in September (now known as the Washington State Fair). It was pretty fun for the most part; I worked two game booths. But there was one day that made me dislike working retail jobs to this day, a customer at my game booth made me cry. He kept yelling at me when I wasn’t sure of how to fix his problem while his wife and kids looked on, angry as well. I had accidentally taken tickets off his card (weird I know, their system for tickets is electronic and caused chaos). Yup, that was my first taste of the bitter life coffee. Since then I’ve worked several other jobs involving working directly with customers. Some really exciting and not so stressing (firework stand during the summer) to others that make me cry just thinking about how hateful a customer (human) can be towards the person serving them (another human).
I bring up this topic because I’ve become burnt out with my retail jobs, I don’t mind it most of the time, but there are days where I just want to walk out. Also, I’ve had people ask, “Why don’t you have a job in your field yet?,” well if I could get one that would be great. Over the last year, since graduating, I’ve applied to several jobs and internships within my field, but the closest I have come is almost getting an internship at the Oregon Coast Aquarium, but I didn’t qualify after a remarkably great interview due to lack of experience…Let that sink in. I didn’t get an internship which is supposed to educate you and give you experience, because I didn’t have enough experience. It’s just a sad world out there if you need experience for an internship. Well and I’ve applied to several pet shops and still denied; maybe over-qualified? I’m still pushing though.
Here is to all the hard working retail workers out there! Have a great Monday everyone and enjoy some time to yourself!
Since last Monday was Valentine’s Day and I work at Starbucks, I made the above Strawberry with Lemon icing and paired it with the Komodo Dragon dark roast from Starbucks. It was the perfection combination of sweet and bitter, like glassofwater and I, after a homemade dinner for two. We gave our cats, Thunderbutt and Hobbitsis, special treats and extra love as well. That’s it for my V-day recap. I hope everyone had a great day as well.
From this blog post forward I will be giving each one a special theme and quote of the day. If there is anything anyone reading my posts would like to read about or know more about from my perspective please feel free to shoot me a question. For tonight though I;m gonna sign off early. I’m exhausted from work and stress as well as needing to get up early on a day I normally have off.
Peace Love Happiness
Many people have goals they wish to accomplish, but they get side-tracked or their passion dies off. I’m through with letting life or myself, get in the way of my happiness. Thanks to my wonderful and supportive boyfriend, glassofwater, I am jumping onboard the blog express to finally start doing what I want to do: share my passions and knowledge with everyone and remind myself what I am capable of doing.
My goal is to upload a new post weekly, I’ll start with Mondays for now till my schedule changes within the next couple weeks.
It’s snowing this morning; not terribly excited since I have to drive to work in about an hour. People here in Alaska have been driving in the snow as if they had never seen it before. Till I have to get ready for work, I’ll just sit here and type as I sip my Casi Cielo blend coffee with a splash of almond syrup.
The snow is really coming down. I just hope I can make it out of my neighborhood and safely get to work. I don’t have the funds to get a cab. I love Alaska’s winters, just not when I work across town with bad roads and terrible drivers who think that because they have snow tires and four-wheel drive they can go faster and not get into wrecks.
Either way wish me luck!