Since graduating last year I’ve slowly been diving deeper into depression concerning what I want and need to do next while also keeping up with the bills. It’s hard some days, because I feel like I’ll stay in this dump for the rest of my days. But I am trying to keep my spirits high and remember that I have to take it one day at a time. This debate that I am having within is a direct reflection of all the changes going on in my life.
A short poem by me:
A heavy heart, but a racing mind.
Creates a chaos that spreads if not contained and maintained.
Friends and family and even strangers show support and give advice.
A fight with ones self to figure out whats next.
I won’t lose this battle, but scratches will ensue no doubt.
With spring on the way, my hopes are high.
Thank you to all who are there for me, I’ll push through not just for me but for you too.
Don’t worry everyone, I still smile at work. In the first blog or two I wrote, I let it be known I work at Starbucks (corporate store). Well it’s not my first (and most likely not my last) retail job. It all began my senior year of high school, when I worked two weeks, part-time for the Puyallup Fair in September (now known as the Washington State Fair). It was pretty fun for the most part; I worked two game booths. But there was one day that made me dislike working retail jobs to this day, a customer at my game booth made me cry. He kept yelling at me when I wasn’t sure of how to fix his problem while his wife and kids looked on, angry as well. I had accidentally taken tickets off his card (weird I know, their system for tickets is electronic and caused chaos). Yup, that was my first taste of the bitter life coffee. Since then I’ve worked several other jobs involving working directly with customers. Some really exciting and not so stressing (firework stand during the summer) to others that make me cry just thinking about how hateful a customer (human) can be towards the person serving them (another human).
I bring up this topic because I’ve become burnt out with my retail jobs, I don’t mind it most of the time, but there are days where I just want to walk out. Also, I’ve had people ask, “Why don’t you have a job in your field yet?,” well if I could get one that would be great. Over the last year, since graduating, I’ve applied to several jobs and internships within my field, but the closest I have come is almost getting an internship at the Oregon Coast Aquarium, but I didn’t qualify after a remarkably great interview due to lack of experience…Let that sink in. I didn’t get an internship which is supposed to educate you and give you experience, because I didn’t have enough experience. It’s just a sad world out there if you need experience for an internship. Well and I’ve applied to several pet shops and still denied; maybe over-qualified? I’m still pushing though.
Here is to all the hard working retail workers out there! Have a great Monday everyone and enjoy some time to yourself!
“There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” — Alan Cohen
Lately I’ve been overworking myself which has left me tired and old health issues to show their ugly face again. I try taking breaks, at home a d work, but most of the time it makes it worse. I need to see my doctor plus another, but working two jobs it’s hard to find motivation or time to make it out to them. The worst part is that one of my symptoms is dizziness/lightheadedness which almost makes me black out. It’s happened in yeas past once or twice, but it’s happened three times in two weeks. One of which happened yesterday morning as I was getting ready to leave for work. I felt bad for calling out and tried to find someone to take my shift. But my health comes first and fuck it I’m not gonna walk out of my house with the possibility that the same thing happens as I’m walking down the street to go to work. Thankfully my coworkers understand and I’ve been talking more to them abouty health, but it’s my manager that never gets it. I think she needs a dose of reality, because it’s all sunshine and unicorns in her eyes (pertaining to the lives of her workers).
I got to relax and rest yesterday at least and feeling better today. Everyone our there get some rest and do something for yourself.