Moving Forward

“Smooth seas never made skilled sailors.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt  

The quote of the day (which I need to make sure I keep doing, sorry!) is one of my favorites that I think of often especially the last couple months.  People may say, “Oh wouldn’t a nice day bring about experience too?!”, or “Not true! I’m still on the struggle bus!”. I see both types of people in my life, but what they fail to see a storm may be coming or their storm will pass. I’ve gotten to that point where I listen to my friends, from both sides, and don’t speak about my issues or don’t give advice, because neither listens to me nor helps me when I need it most. That is life, and why I don’t feel bad when I need to let people go or change the friendship to have more space.


I’ve written many times about my health, but in the mess I forgot to say that my doctors gave me the wrong diagnoses about Lupus. It happens though and many symptoms of Lupus are shared with other autoimmune disorders. After I changed specialists, we sat down and talked for an hour about me and my health. We started at my childhood issues and pains to now. What she figures (since I can not test for it at my age) is that I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA), which could have lead to my aggressive eye issues. The medication I was on when I first had eye issues were the same I would have been put on for JRA, but she figures the issues were too aggressive for them. After talking about my list of issues and locations of pain, she concluded that I have fibromyalgia. We talked about the symptoms and the connections through my life, it finally made sense!

I do wonder if the doctors could’ve re-tested me for JRA (they did at first, but it came up negative) after my symptoms and medication wasn’t working, if they could’ve saved my eye, or if it was meant to be…


My financial troubles will go away and come back I know, but it does take a toll on my health worrying so much about bills. I wish my boyfriend would just get that magical call back that he got the job, but its hard finding stable work in Alaska that you can enjoy.

Good news though, I am being trained to be an assistant manager at work and today I am being given the chance to run the show (even if just for a little bit). I’m nervous, but excited at the same time, because this is the first job to follow through after they said they wanted to make me a manager. This is the one position and experience I need on my resume to show future jobs that I can handle it.

I’m gonna finish off here today, because I need to eat something to take with my meds as well as prepare for the day!

~Waterbug24~

A Tough Month

The last time I was on my doctor started me on Cymbalta, to help combat my depression and maybe my joint pain. I ended up almost passing out at work a couple times due to the medication. After talking with my counselor and doctor I gave the ok to try Prozac. After three weeks on 20mg a day plus extra vitamin D, it was helping. With it I wasn’t so angry or sad at myself or the world; I was working on bettering myself. I had even started going back to the gym. Then about a week ago I started feeling down. Meaning, though I was doing everything good for me I was feeling shittier every day. It kept getting worse and on a Thursday night, after a long day I wanted to end it and didn’t feel bad like I normally would of I had thoughts of suicide. I couldn’t stop crying and wasn’t able to get across anything to my boyfriend who was trying to help. It started with some relaxers, than  drowsy sick meds, and last of all several sleep aids I take normally. I hadn’t taken a lethal dose thanks to my boyfriend, but I did want to end it all that night. The next morning I woke up feeling like shit and listened to a voicemail from my father telling me how my grandmother’s sister, my grate aunt, had passed away in the early morning. I called in and took the day to recoup and spend time with a cousin in town. Spending time with her helped and I opened up to her a bit, but knew I had to do something about my medication.

Today was the first day I took a 40mg dose of the Prozac. If in a week it doesn’t help I’ll try a new deug. Maybe talk to my counselor about anxiety or bipolar meds, cause who knows. I don’t want to be a part of the high rate of bloggers who stop writing, so please be patient if you watch for my blogs. I’m just tired.

~Wateebug24~

Space cadet

It’s Tuesday! I had yesterday off too and forgot to post my blog. To my defense I delt with changing medications last week that made me sick, but now on the mend. As to what medication it’s antidepressants. I’ve delt with depression since I was a child, even before all my medical mysteries. I have usually found ways to combat my depression: sports, school, movies, reading, walking my dogs, and various creative outlets. As of late, none of my usual activities have been helpful and my depression has just gotten worse. After talking with a counselor and my doctor, I’ve decided to try the medication route.

On July 20th I took my first dose of Cymbalta at 60mg which ended up causing me to become dizzy and almost passing out from said dizziness,  a non-stop migraine and other bad side effects. I went back to my doctor after only five days, because of the side effects and apparently he (my doctor) made a mistake. I was supposed to be taking 30mg not 60mg! After talking with family and friends who have tried Cymbalta, who also had bad experiences, I told him I wanted to change before it was too late. Now I’m on 20mg (triple checked dose) of Prozac. Haven’t had any complaints yet. Mainly weird dreams in the early mornings though since starting this new road. I’ll give more updates with how I feel on this medication as time goes on.

For now though, I’m tired. Night night!

~Waterbug24~

Getting better one day at a time

Good afternoon everyone! Two week absence, not terrible, but still I’m trying not to leave you or myself hanging with my blog. A lot has been going on since my birthday. From me putting in my two weeks to Starbucks and getting new medication for my depression, I’m hoping that by taking care of myself I’ll be happier and not as distant towards everyone in my life.

By leaving Starbucks, I’ll be working at Fred Meyers full-time as well as volunteering at a bird rescue and rehabilitation center. I haven’t had time to volunteer for anything in so long. I enjoy it, because I am helping causes that I support and it helps others (humans/animals/the environment) see what can happen if you lend a hand. Though while leaving Starbucks will be good for me, I will miss my co-workers dearly. They have been some of the best people to work with, even the recent new hires are awesome. I am still working on my secret project for my initial co-workers, I have a few earrings to go due to me not working on them, but they will get them eventually. I plan on working on one pair today.

As for my depression, last Wednesday my doctor prescribed me Cymbalta. I’m on day 5 of taking one 60mg at 6am; after one week I’ll be taking two a day. So far I’m not liking the side effects which I need to send a message to my doctor. These include a sore throat that feels like it’s swollen, getting severely dizzy and almost fainting at home and work, sleeping more, and a few others. Yeah I’m not sure if I’ll want to stay on this medication. But it is a start.

Well I’m going to eat breakfast! Have a great day everyone!

 

~Waterbug24~

Party like it’s my birthday (no really, today is my birthday)!

Today is in fact my 24th summer on planet Earth! I usually work on my birthday, because well why not. But I decided that I needed a break and took it off. I slept in, had a nice morning with my boyfriend, and spent the afternoon/evening with my cousin and his family. Since my cousins granddaughter, who is 7, was around rather than play Cards Against Humanity we opted for the child friendly Apples to Apples. I’m exhausted now; I’ve come down with a persistent cold.

I’m gonna rest and relax now. Have a safe 4th of July (if celebrating) or if working (like myself) enjoy the time and a half 😄😎

-Waterbug24-

A Good Day

Since last Monday be I’ve had a few really bad days, where my whole body hurts and swollen joints, but a few good ones have slipped in. The worst is when my hands are sore and swollen, makes it hard to do what needs to be done as well as do what I would like to do (beading). Though today was one of my good days. After work I had enough energy to walk more rather than sit and wait. The weather helped too; not too hot and not a lot of pollen.

One a sad, but happy ending my coffee pot died on me on Sunday morning 😧 but I was able to buy a new one plus a coffee grinder for the price of one 😄. It’s a red Black and Decker 12 cup; I go between Black & Decker and Mr.Coffee for my at home coffee needs. Much love for those two brands.

Also with my extra energy today I made homemade Mac and Cheese with salad. The cheese sauce was made with whole milk, a spoonful of flour, a slice of butter, about 2 cups pre-shredded sharp cheddar, a couple vigorous shakes of black pepper, and a dash of salt. I also added a mixture of meatless sausage, one chopped carrot, two green onions, two cloves of garlic, one sarano pepper, three white mushrooms, and one can of white whole kernal corn. After layering my noodles, mixture and sauce I baked for ten minutes with a sprinkle of the cheddar on top. So good! I love baking the Mac and Cheese for 5-10 minutes to melt everything together. To top it off I got Ben and Jerry’s ice cream 💜

Well I’m getting tired. I hope you all have a great week!

~Waterbug23~

 

Missing Puzzle Pieces

Last week was one of my best weeks in a long while. Mostly because I wasn’t working both of my jobs almost every day; I actually got to relax!

On  Friday I had a doctor’s appointment to talk about changing my birth control (cause you know, the pill likes to f**k up your system) as well as talk about what tests we could start next for figuring out my health puzzle. Anyways, as I sat there talking about my symptoms for the umpteenth time, my doctor is looking through my previous tests. Out of the blue he brings up my autoimmune disease positive test that my previous (unhelpful) doctor didn’t do anything about even after  pushing for more testing; the oh we’ll wait and see and do more testing later shit. I was taken back, because he said you should talk with the specialist about your Lupus. I didn’t know what to say to that, because my previous doctors never did anything or told me anything else other than I had a positive ANA and autoimmune tests. I told him all that and he was concerned (like he and other doctors should). You see, my primary care set-up an online system where patients can look at their health records, make/drop appointments, and among other great things, but I only recently jumped on-board, because it became necessary. I wish now that I had been told of my positive tests for Lupus sooner, but at least now I’ll be able to crack my puzzle before it gets worse. Now I have an appointment later this week with my specialist to talk about doing more tests and receiving treatment.

The bad thing about Lupus is that  all the symptoms linked to the autoimmune disease are all over the place; as in they could be symptoms to several disorders/sicknesses. Since I had the morning off I went through my online health record and wrote down all the abnormal tests. Each abnormal test was linked to autoimmune disorders, specially Lupus. Those plus my list of symptoms (that keep getting worse) are pointing towards Lupus. But still with all that I have looked at, a talk with my specialist is needed plus new tests.

On the other hand, in order to start taking back my health at the end of July I am leaving my job at Starbucks. So I am frantically trying to finish a few more pairs of earrings for my co-workers. I have about three more pairs. And for the males and a few females that I know don’t wear earrings, I will be bringing in homemade foods for them. Also, to feel better I have been trying to put make-up before work, at least lipstick, because even just that little bit does makes a difference.

Whelp, I am growing tired. I’m going to log off and rest before work. Have a good Monday everyone!

 

~Waterbug23~