Light shining through

I’ve been taking care of myself. Took a month off of one job and getting back into focus if what I want and need. Painting cups with my cousin and walking in the sunshine that is here to stay. My coworkers and strangers notice how relaxed I am. I’ll be cutting my hours at the one job to keep my piece of mind. Especially since summer is upon Alaska and I want to enjoy it.

~Waterbug24~

I think I can, I think I can

The last couple weeks have been tough. Between work and my health I have felt alone, bitter, and tired of life. But since I’ve started work at the pre school I have slowly gotten to a betterind set. These kids are so cute and excited about life, it’s hard not being joyful. I love it. Though I do need to make a new appointment for my doctors and reschedule another. Getting into new routines are a pain, but I’m getting there.

Have a good day!

~Waterbug24~

Paralyzed

Pain.

It’s all I feel anymore.

Sharp needles hitting my nerves, sending waves of pain throughout my body.

The pain is the first symptom…

Dizziness… confusion… nausea… can’t move stiff joints and muscles…loss of appitite…dry mouth… disinterest…deeper depression…

Rheumatoid arthritis, RA, is the culprit. There have been more than one day that I’ve called out from work, because I could barely move. It hurts just to write this all down, because my hands and arms are the most affected from this disease.

Yes! It is an autoimmune disease and it’s a pain. I’m trying to make life easier for myself but like I said in my last post, I work so much. Most of the time I work 7 days a week.

Pulsing…my hands are radiating dull, achy pain. It’s time to stop.

~Waterbug24~

Why?

Work work work

My doctor’s even say I work too much. I only do it, because I have to pay bills, save money to move or do what I want, and eat. I don’t qualify for food stamps or any government assistance; at one point I was making only $100 too much to qualify and I was the only one working. The days I try taking for myself I feel guilty and end up taking extra shifts.

Why?

Why do this to ourselves?

Shouldn’t overall health matter? I work sick and hurt and exhausted and beat down. I work hours on end and barely scrap by.

Some days I envy people with WIC and food stamps, because they have that to feed themselves, others days I want to slap them, because I see them buying shit food like soda, candy and other sweets.

Dark is my heart right now.

Waterbug24

Mental State of Mind

I’ve been trying to cope with my mental stability for years by myself until in recent years. It started after the death of a classmate during my freshman year of college at Hawai’i Pacific University. I met with the school counselor and talked about death and how other deaths had affected me till then. After I moves to Alaska I started learning more about myself and figuring out that I needed to recover my mental health.

On and off since then, I have had several counselors who all helped me in different ways. Now I see a traditional counselor as well as a traditional healer. I’ve been trying out medications on top of taking care of myself at home. Slowly I’m healing and doing what I love. Including expanding my earring business by getting business cards and creating an Instagram. It’s all exciting!

Maybe I’ll write more later, tired tonight.

~Waterbug24~

Monday Madness

Good afternoon everyone! The last week has been crazy with today topping it off at work. I’m finally getting over my head and chest cold and feeling better. Though I did have a break down on Saturday night after missing a dose of my medication, but I missed it due to spending the night with my cousin. We drank homemade margaritas and had a great girls night.

I got a new job at a local preschool as an assistant teacher!!! I start February 5th and I’m really excited. But I do feel guilty about stepping down from my PIC position at Fred Meyers, because I feel like I’m letting my manager down. At the same time I know I shouldn’t feel like that, because it’s my life and a step in the direction of where I’d like to see myself one day as a career.

Also I’ve created and have business cards and flyers for my beaded earrings! It’s a step in the right direction. So I’ll post a picture of both once they come in.

Well I have to get back to work!

Love you all! 😘

~Waterbug24~

 

Lazy Day

This year is already flying! My goals for the year are:

1: Do what I want or need to do to make myself happy

With this I am taking days for myself, I even dyed my hair red and it looks great. Applying to jobs that I’d rather be at, like being a teacher assistant for a preschool; btw the kids there are adorable. I’m pushing myself with beading when my body allows it as well as making business cards for it. Also I will be taking a class at my Alum College, APU. Yay for learning!

2: Pay off my debt

This started off with H and R block taxes (I hate them so much) and the IRS. And my boyfriend’s debt is almost gone too. I may or may not apply for another deferment for my student loans, but we shall see.

3: Heal my body and soul

Between my conventional doctors and my new traditional healers, I’m hoping to find myself in a better mental state.

4: Write more letters or post cards

That and write more today bits here!

Today I am recovering from a cold. Been working non stop and today is .y first day off that I don’t have to leave the house. I’ve been coughing and sneezing and hard of hearing due to the congestion. So have a great Tuesday Everyone!

 

~Waterbug24~